Touchdown Without a Dance

Forty two years and one day after the first moon landing, the Shuttle Atlantis touched down for the last time this morning, marking the end of the Space Shuttle Program. The twin sonic booms were heard at Kennedy Space Center at 05:53:33 AM EDT, touchdown happened at few minutes later at 05:57:27 AM EDT, and less than a minute later, at 05:58:23 AM EDT, the shuttle rolled to a full stop.

Credit: Nasa

You care because it give you something to talk about around the water cooler later today. I care because this marks the end of an era when it wasn’t only okay, but we were expected to have hopes and dreams. No one’s going to tell little Billy that he can be an astronaut when he grows up, because that would be silly and unpatriotic.

That’s probably why they scheduled this final landing so early in the morning: it’s kind of embarrassing and they didn’t need people gathering around the tube to watch it like some kind of milestone or moon landing.

After all, the Shuttle Program was just part of a race we won a long time ago, and it was kind of silly and vain to keep it up for so much longer. The Cold War has been over for a long time now, and there are new wars to fight, wars that aren’t going to be won by space walks and moon landings, but by things like body scanners and security conferences. And if little Billy works hard, and is luck, maybe he can be a TSA agent when he grows up.

Gate Rape Thugs

The purpose of this post is to show off how I coined a clever phrase (see title) that rhymes perfectly with an already popular phrase that also carries negative connotations.

TSA Logo


You care because feds stored thousands of bodyscan images and the bodyscanners were pushed through by corrupt lobbyists who don’t care that they don’t really work because they can’t see inside body cavities and are dangerous because they deliver 20 times the dose of radiation that the TSA claims, at least you can still defend your your freedom of speech by wearing a satirical TSA t-shirt the next time you pass through airport security.

I care because even though the TSA has closed the loophole that would allows you to enter the US without being x-rayed or groped by issuing a new policy where refusing a pat down will cost you an $11,000 fine, they might haven’t gone completley mad just yet because at least transgender people can ask to be groped by an agent of the gender of their choice (via terrisenft) and they offer great customer service to those unlawfully detained for taking picture that they’re allowed to take.

Post inspired by Peter Shankman’s tweet.

And We’re Still Alive

So it looks like they’ve managed to recreate the Big Bang beneath the French-Swiss border.

You care because we haven’t all died from being sucked into a man-made blackhole. I care because we weren’t all sucked into some alternate dimension where alien overlords pay a dollar a minute to watch us in childhood form share a peepshow box with Stephen Harper.

But for those of you who grew up with aspirations to rise to Rocky Horror pageantry stardom, there may still be hope. CERN is going to keep colliding ions until Dec. 6, and then go back to smashing protons in February, so I guess anything can still go wrong.